Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life

Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life cover
Good Books rating 3.5

Technical:
  • ID: 967
  • Added: 2025-09-23
  • Updated: 2025-09-23
  • Reviews: 2
Reviews
sandymaguire.me · Unknown · 2025-09-26
informative 4.00

The book challenges common misconceptions about women's sexuality, emphasizing that diversity in sexual responses is normal. It offers evidence-based techniques to improve sexual satisfaction by adjusting thinking and environment rather than trying to 'fix' oneself.

This book is a must-read for anyone interested in understanding women's sexuality. It debunks many myths and provides a scientific perspective on how women's bodies and sexual responses differ from men's. The author, a sex therapist, uses research to show that there is a wide range of normal when it comes to sexual responses, and that cultural and individual factors play a significant role. The book is not just informative but also practical, offering techniques to enhance sexual satisfaction. The chapters on nonconcordance and stress are particularly insightful, providing new perspectives that can be incredibly helpful. The book's focus on individual and cultural change makes it a valuable resource for anyone looking to improve their sex life.


Quick quotes

    The main premise of the book is that most of our cultural understandings about sex treat women’s bodies and sexualities the same as men’s, and that if women’s bodies are seen to work in ways that are different, they are considered broken.

    Her other main thing is stressing that unless you are in pain, your body and your reactions are entirely normal.

    I thought the two strongest chapters were when she talked about nonconcordance (the idea that bodily reactions do not always correspond to actual arousal; in men concordance only happens 50% of the time, in women 10%), and the chapter where she talked about stress.

goodreads.com · Unknown · 2025-09-26
mixed 3.00

The book offers valuable insights into women's sexuality but is marred by questionable science and poor writing. While it has helped many women, its methods and definitions are often flawed and misleading.

Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski provides a lot of useful information about women's sexuality, and many women have found it life-changing. The book aims to reassure readers that their sexuality is normal, which is important given the cultural issues surrounding women's sexuality. However, the science presented is often questionable, relying on small studies or extrapolations from rat behavior. The writing style is also problematic, with strained analogies and a tendency to redefine terms in ways that obscure rather than clarify. While the book's core message is valuable, the execution leaves much to be desired. For those interested in understanding women's sexuality, it offers some useful takeaways, but the questionable science and writing style may frustrate some readers.


Quick quotes

    Several of my female friends have told me that this book changed their lives.

    Nagoski often refers to 'the science,' claiming that whatever study proves her point.

    Nagoski decides by fiat that ALL ORGASMS ARE THE SAME.