Unconditional Parenting

by Alfie Kohn
Unconditional Parenting cover
Good Books rating 3.83
Parenting and Relationships
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Paperback • £10.99
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  • ID: 2957
  • Added: 2025-10-16
  • Updated: 2025-10-16
  • ISBN: 9780743487481
  • Publisher: Simon and Schuster
  • Published: 2006-03-28
  • Formats: 1
  • Reviews: 3

In Unconditional Parenting, Alfie Kohn challenges the traditional methods of parenting that rely on punishment and rewards. He argues that these methods can harm children by making them feel loved only when they meet their parents' expectations. Kohn presents compelling research to support his claims and offers practical solutions for parents to foster a more loving and supportive environment for their children. The book pushes parents to rethink their approach and adopt more nurturing and effective parenting strategies. Kohn's work is not just about changing parenting techniques but also about understanding the deeper psychological impacts of conditional love. He emphasizes the importance of building a strong emotional foundation for children, which can lead to better mental health and stronger family relationships. Unconditional Parenting is a must-read for any parent looking to create a more loving and supportive home environment.

Reviews
Medium · glorchan95 · 2025-10-16
transformative 4.50

The book presents a transformative perspective on parenting, critiquing traditional reward and punishment systems. The reviewer found it deeply impactful and life-changing.

The reviewer shares how this book completely changed their perspective on parenting. They highlight the book's critique of traditional reward and punishment systems and its advocacy for a more compassionate and understanding approach. The reviewer found the book's insights to be transformative, leading to significant changes in their parenting style and relationships with their children.

Quick quotes

    “Unconditional Parenting” presents a transformative perspective, critiquing the traditional reward and punishment system and advocating for an alternative approach.

    It has totally changed my parenting and relationships with my children.

    I agree with the book's emphasis on understanding and empathy.

The Montessori Notebook · 2014-04-06
insightful 4.00

The book challenges traditional parenting methods, arguing that praise and rewards can be controlling. It advocates for a more intrinsic approach to child-rearing.

This review delves into the core arguments presented in the book, highlighting how it critiques common parenting techniques. The reviewer appreciates the book's focus on intrinsic motivation and its call for a more respectful and understanding approach to parenting. They find the book thought-provoking and believe it offers valuable insights for parents looking to move away from conditional parenting methods.

Quick quotes

    Alfie Kohn believes that praise, rewards and punishments are all ways of controlling our children.

    These provide extrinsic motivation to behave in the way we want.

    It advocates for an approach that focuses on the child's needs and feelings.

Research Parent · 2014-02-06
balanced 3.00

The reviewer has mixed feelings about the book, finding it important but controversial. They appreciate its insights but also note its limitations.

This review offers a balanced perspective on the book, acknowledging its important contributions to parenting literature while also noting its controversial aspects. The reviewer appreciates the book's insights into the flaws of conditional parenting but also points out areas where they disagree with the author's arguments. They find the book thought-provoking and believe it will spark meaningful discussions among parents.

Quick quotes

    I have very mixed feelings about this book.

    On the one hand, I think it has a really important, though controversial message.

    It will reconnect readers to their own best instincts and inspire them to become better parents.

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